


love and other secrets

by ninefish



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Ahsoka - E. K. Johnston
Genre: F/F, Mostly Fluff, Post-Order 66, Reunion Fic, unintentionally angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28228659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninefish/pseuds/ninefish
Summary: Ahsoka returned to Alderaan on business. Partially to see her- unfortunately, it figures that her luck would have her discovered. Though, maybe she wanted to be.
Relationships: Kaeden Larte/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	love and other secrets

**Author's Note:**

> hello the ahsoka novel crushed what was left of my soul after tcw s7, enjoy

When the green and blue expanse of Alderaan spread before her, Ahsoka told herself that it was a strictly business meeting.

She hadn’t been to Alderaan in . . . years— not since before the fall of the Republic, when the Core had meant safety and closeness to her home. Now, it usually just meant greater surveillance and potentially being caught by the Chancellor or the Empire’s shadows.

There was a tightness in her chest that she insisted to herself wasn’t nervousness. She’d met with the Senator plenty of times in-person and had balanced the trade off of better long-term security for the temporary risk. But they’d never met on his home planet, where it felt like they were only moments from the Sith’s doorstep and from them both being incriminated. Ahsoka couldn’t help but think the whole visit was a bad idea.

But Bail had insisted that the information he had to give her was sensitive— somehow too sensitive for their numerous scrambled communication channels for sensitive information. Though, at this point, it seemed redundant to call what they traded in sensitive— all of it was when you were quietly plotting against the galaxy-wide Empire.

And Ahsoka did her best to not think of the few hundred Raada refugees likely still living on Alderaan, that she had given to Bail’s trust a few years ago.

But she did.

She thought of Selda and Vartan and Miara, and the few she had managed to save. When she closed her eyes, she dreamed of the ones she had lost— in the war and after. And, sometimes, when she was alone by herself and no one else could see the blinked-away tears, she thought about Kaeden.

Ahsoka heard the landing gear begin to rattle in place in her shuttle and she shook herself out of her thoughts. Now was no time to be distracted.

Bail had told her to land on one of the official landing zones— despite the risk, it would be more suspicious to the Imperial surveillance for an unfamiliar ship to land in a hidden area, and would be worse if she was caught. 

This way, Ahsoka could simply disguise herself as a traveling mechanic looking for work— it wasn’t unheard of for ambitious freelancers to try their luck in Core worlds finding work.

The Imperials who greeted her didn’t bat an eye at the fake papers Bail had sent her in advance and soon, Ashla was walking to Senator Organa’s office.

* * *

Their meeting turned out to be a quick one, with Bail describing the rumors he’d heard of a massive weapon being built by the Empire.

“Nothing too concrete, but I can’t risk the Empire getting wind that we know of what they’re planning. We need more information to counter this,” he said grimly.

Ahsoka nodded. “I’ll keep an eye out when I make connections.”

Bail hesitated. “And since you’re here, it would look suspicious if you left quickly after being on planet for only a few hours.”

“What are you proposing?”

“Go around a bit— build up a convincing alibi and leave tomorrow,” Bail offered. “And, I know you want to limit contact with your older ties for risk’s sake— but I may have heard from someone that an old friend of yours has recently started medical school in Aldera.”

Against her will, something in Ahsoka’s chest rattled,  _ fluttered _ at the thought. She’d tried to leave the past behind— it made it easier moving between worlds on her missions. But part of her had never forgotten that small agricultural world. The Fardis had been her first cover, the first to shelter her. But Raada had been a home for a while. It had been family.

And it was for that reason that Ahsoka could never think of them or what could’ve been.

She bowed her head in respectful acknowledgment. “I’ll plan to leave midmorning tomorrow among the morning exports.”

Alderaan was beautiful, especially in the spring when the high snowy mountains melted near their bases and green flourished. The city of Aldera’s architecture was modern, yet incorporated the vast nature surrounding it.

But Ahsoka couldn’t appreciate any of it. She left the palace, planning on finding a medium-sized cantina— small enough to not attract anyone important’s attention, large enough to blend into. But thinking of small cantinas inevitably had her thinking of community and laughter and leaning over tables to flick game discs in crokin— 

_ Stop. _

It made sense that after losing that connection— even being able to casually bump elbows with companions at a shared table— she would be hung up over losing it once again. But it wasn’t productive to anyone— not the rebellion or Bail or herself— to linger. To release into the Force was the way of a Jedi and though Ahsoka could never think of herself as a Jedi, she wasn’t  _ not _ a Jedi.

Beneath her cloak, her new lightsabers hung heavy on her belt.

Letting her mind wander, Ahsoka hadn’t realized her feet had continued carrying her. Taking her to not even to an unsatisfactory cantina but something entirely worse.

_ Aldera School of Medicine _ . The clean lettering fit the polished architecture that filled the rest of the city. It was a place that screamed that Ahsoka could never belong there— she had seen too much grit and blood to return to something so untouched. Something that reminded her of the Jedi Temple  _ before _ .

Her chest got the tight feeling again.  _ No _ — she couldn’t be here. Ashla couldn’t be seen here.  _ Ahsoka _ couldn’t be seen here.

Immediately, she turned around, ready to leave. Light on her feet, Ahsoka quickly stepped aside as a pair of students walked in, pushing a cart and chatting to each other, hardly noticing Ahsoka standing in the doorway. She looked them over quickly, neither looked like  _ her _ .

Ahsoka quickly vacated the entrance, walking down the street, breathing deep. But as she moved to walk away— just down the street she saw an establishment that looked reasonably anonymous— something held her in place.

The medical school had large windows to let in the long-lasting natural sunlight. It was beautiful and well-designed like the rest of Aldera. What it also meant was that Ahsoka could reasonably slip around the side of the building and peer in— just to see, by chance, if she could spot her.

After all, out of thousands of students with their own rotating schedules, the likelihood that Ahsoka would even glimpse her was infinitesimal. She had nothing to worry about.

That decided, Ahsoka turned on her heel, walking back to the building with the forced ease of someone accustomed to subterfuge missions. Just a glimpse— despite Bail’s assurances, it wouldn’t hurt just to look . . .

Ahsoka glanced around— the area was clear of anyone. With a nimble jump, she cleared the hedges that rounded the perimeter of the school. Her steps were soft and she smoothly walked the perimeter, creeping around the windows and peering in. She looked into large lecture halls and smaller rooms with polished, clean tables. Cabinets of tools she couldn’t imagine uses for shined out at her.

Most rooms were empty but for a handful of what looked to be students and proper doctors and medics. It must’ve been an off-time for the school— the rest of the city was bustling with activity and trade, part of the reason Bail had requested she visit in this timeframe.

Just as Ahsoka was about to give up and trudge back to the bar— as much as she’d like to, she’d held off from examining the higher floors, suspecting seeing a Togruta scaling the side of the medical school might catch attention— she caught a glimpse of something—

_ Brilliant yellow, like sunshine. _

Ahsoka froze. Slowly, she turned around, looking at the girl— woman, now— who stood, her back turned to her. She was talking to someone else animatedly, a classmate perhaps. Her hair was braided back— the same style of braids, despite the years that had passed— covered by that bright yellow scarf. Something seized in Ahsoka’s chest.

_ Kaeden. _

Part of Ahsoka wanted to cry out, tap the glass, but she knew she had to turn away, to leave. She was healthy, she looked  _ well _ — Ahsoka had found out what she had wanted to.

But part of her that hardly seemed connected to herself whispered  _ wait _ . Perhaps it was the Force or some buried part of Ahsoka’s conscience that had stuttered when she had to leave the Raada refugees.

Regardless, Kaeden turned around. Those eyes widened unmistakably.

_ No. _

Ahsoka dodged away, not caring who saw her as she dashed by the windows. She leaped back over the hedges, stumbling slightly as she landed, her whole body felt  _ shaky _ —

“Ahs—  _ Ashla _ !”

Ahsoka froze. Her voice . . . it was just as willful and strong as the day she’d unabashedly knocked on her door on Raada.

She turned around, somehow far more nervous this time than the last. Ahsoka chided herself, it wasn’t as though she was being pursued by Inquisitors now. At least actively. But turning around and meeting those soft brown eyes somehow felt inexplicably harder than any of the things she’d done before.

Ahsoka looked down at Kaeden’s boots for a moment, swallowing. Huh, hospital-issued shoes. Who would’ve thought her haphazard ministrations could’ve turned into a full career.

“Are you going to look at me?” Her voice was less sure, hesitant.

Something in Ahsoka’s chest hurt at the tone.  _ I’m sorry _ . She had never wanted to make her feel at a loss—  _ to leave her. _ But Ahsoka’s duty—

She forced herself to look up. Meet those eyes.

“ _ Ahsoka _ ,” Kaeden whispered, soft enough that it was only between them.

Hearing her voice, hearing her own  _ name _ , was a catharsis. Not Ashla, not Fulcrum— not any of the skins Ahsoka had picked up since the purge like layers of armors that covered her as she ran away from the ashes of her old life.  _ Ahsoka _ . A secret between them.

Her hands flew to her face, rubbing at her eyes furiously as tears sprung up unbidden. “I— I’m sorry,” Ahsoka said thickly. “I—”  _ I’m sorry I had to leave, that I lied then. I’m sorry that all of this has happened, to Raada, to the galaxy— _

But through the worries, honesty felt the truest thing to say.

“I’m glad to see you.”

Kaeden looked concerned. “I didn’t mean to upset you! I just saw you there and I— well, I had to see you.” She admitted, a faint blush rising.

Ahsoka wiped the last of the tears away. It’d moved her cloak aside and she caught Kaeden glancing down at her lightsabers. Her expression sobered. Ahsoka quickly pulled her cloak back— she wouldn’t blame Kaeden for only having bad memories of the sabers.

“I’m fine. It’s . . . it’s just good to see you,” Ahsoka stumbled over her words. She flushed slightly, embarrassed. Normally the words came out easier, but she hadn’t expected to actually be  _ talking _ to Kaeden— just a quick check-in—

Kaeden smiled, unusually shy. “It’s good to see you as well.” She scratched her head. “Um, Miara is doing well— she’s enrolled in one of the local schools here. All of the Raada refugees are. We’ve carved out a place for ourselves here,” she gestured around. “I’ve made a place for myself here,” she said softly.

In a way, the declaration was an invitation.  _ It could be like before. We could have a place here _ .

But things could never be like before. They were too close to Coruscant— even now, Ahsoka bound her Force presence to herself, not letting even a flicker shine.

So she forced a smile, pretended she only heard the shallowest level of Kaeden’s words. “That’s great to hear.” Ahsoka grit her teeth— she couldn’t lead Kaeden on. “I’m leaving,” she announced. “Tomorrow— early.”

Kaeden’s expression fell partially but there was an acceptance to it. With what Ahsoka had told her before, she likely understood.

“Well, you’ve still got to eat, right? I know this great place pretty near here. Very down low,” Kaeden offered.

Ahsoka blinked, surprised at the persistence. Perhaps she hadn’t been dissuaded yet from having anything to do with Ahsoka Tano. She found herself speaking despite her reservations. “Of course, I’d love to.”

Late afternoon was already starting to bleed into evening in the sky and Kaeden smiled bashfully. “Hey, my work’s done in a bit. Would you want to walk around and then get some food?”

Ahsoka mutely nodded, silently wondering what she’d signed up for. Kaeden bounced on her heels. “Great, I’ll see you then. Here?” 

“Sounds good,” Ahsoka said. Kaeden turned to return to the school and Ahsoka hesitated. There’d been one  _ other _ thing on her mind besides checking to see if Kaeden was well.  _ Well, may as well go all in. _ “Wait— Kaeden. I . . . what you said before. Did you mean it?” When Ahsoka closed her eyes, she could hear the words, her heart rushing as she remembered that moment.

_ I could kiss you. Not now, I mean. My timing is terrible and you have all those Jedi hang-ups. I just wanted you to know in case we die. _

Kaeden smiled slightly, uncertain. “Which thing?” She moved closer.

Ahsoka breathed in deep, steadying herself. “When you said you’d kiss me,” she specified softly, breathier than she expected. Oh, Kaeden had moved in  _ close _ , standing right before Ahsoka.

She smiled, almost teasing. “It would depend on if you wanted it.”

Ahsoka closed her eyes, unable to stop the smile that tugged at her lips. “I do.”

She could hear Kaeden laugh softly. They both instinctively moved toward each other— Ahsoka could feel her breath on her nose.

They kissed. Ahsoka felt as though she was holding her breath in space, heart hammering, and body filled with a tingling so strong she barely felt it. Yet at the same time, Kaeden was all she  _ could _ feel— for a non-sensitive, she positively shone in the Force. Bright, warm, her presence sang of rustling grass and fresh air.

They stood there for a moment, staring at each other.

“I— um— should get back. Was it, um, good?” Kaeden asked hurriedly, blushing furiously. It was adorable.

Ahsoka laughed. “It was  _ very _ good,” she said, voice rougher than she expected.

“Good, good,” Kaeden grinned. They exchanged a sheepish look and, for a moment, it was as if they were just normal young adults outside of the scheme of a galactic-wide dictatorship.

“I’ll see you tonight,” Ahsoka reminded her gently. It wouldn’t do for Kaeden to run into trouble because of her.

She jumped. “Right! I’ll see you tonight,” Kaeden waved a bit bashfully then ran off.

Ahsoka waved back until Kaeden disappeared inside. Well, now to burn time until she returned. But as Ahsoka turned to walk around the local area, she felt lighter than before. For the first time since landing on Alderaan, the tension in her chest eased.

Ahsoka glanced back at the medical school. The clean building seemed less imposing than before. Perhaps the risk of visiting Alderaan hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.

**Author's Note:**

> say hello on [tumblr](https://ratpadawan.tumblr.com/) !!


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